Oh, Brett. It’s taken me a while to get over your interception on Sunday that, once again, lost the NFC Championship for your team. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less whether or not your team won Sunday, but did it have to end like that?
Throughout this season I have been happy with the success of Brett Favre. I got excited that, maybe, since he was playing so well at 40 that when the season ended, he could finally leave it all behind. But of course, he had to throw that ridiculous cross-field pass on his back foot, possibly without actually looking at the field. Now we all get to listen to an off-season filled with questions concerning number 4’s possible rerereturn. As I think of the unbearable banter to appease point god Tony Riali that I will witness, I realize that the consequences of that, again, ridiculous pass are nothing compared to two years ago.
It all started on that fateful night where the Packers lost to the Giants. Imagine, Brett Favre doesn’t throw that interception. The Packers win that game. Brett Favre makes it back to the Super Bowl. If that happened, Favre would have had much less of a reason to return. He wouldn’t feel the need to redeem himself after throwing an interception like a jackass. Favre would go on to the Super Bowl, then into retirement as a lifelong Packer, and I would have welcomed Spring with no talk of Favre’s return, or a…a…Giants Superbowl win. For the past two years I could have been hearing about important football stories, like Freddie Mitchell’s conviction that he is going to play in the NFL again, or whether or not Maurice Clarett is making any friends in prison. But no, I dream of such delights. Instead, I am surrounded by New Yorkers who, even though their team couldn’t make the playoffs this year, refuse to shut up about that game and that goddamn catch. I am forced to watch reports that Favre is “leaning” towards retirement for the third time. All of this, because of what, a Brett Favre interception. Well no more! I refuse to let Favre’s interceptions continue to ruin my life. This is the last I will speak of him, or his inability to find a receiver with under 2 minutes to play. In the Soap Opera that is the NFL, I can’t wait until they finally kill off this character.
note: The author of this article will be setting up a support group for those who have been affected personally by a Brett Favre interception. Requests to join said group can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org