Top 10 Floor Slappers of the Last 10 Years: Part 1

With college basketball in full swing these days I think we need to take a step back and appreciate what makes college basketball so great. College basketball has one thing that no other major sport can offer, successful scrawny white guys. Anybody who has ever met me knows that I love white basketball players. (In fact my three favorite things in the world are  Law and order: SVU, white basketball players, and Phillies Graham Slam Ice cream, in that order). Nothing gets me going like seeing a five foot ten guard get down in a perfect defensive stance and slapping the floor as hard as his little white hands will let him. So with that in mind were going to start counting down the top ten “floor slappers “ of the last ten years.

What seperates a floor slapper from other white stiffs? It’s all about the attitude. Great floor slappers come in three different types, the first one is the annoying white floor general, think along the lines of Greg Paulus, the second type is the really goofy, possibly homosexual, all offense no defense white guys, much like Adam Morrison, the third type is the total douche bag, someone who had some mild success as a three point specialist but often times then tries to masqurade like a legit top player.

Bonus points for going to a good academic school and having limited NBA success, negative points for actually being a good athlete or anything else that I don’t think is white.

10. Mike Nardi- When it comes to floor slappers Nardi is the Darryl Strawberry, such great promise but never able to reach his potential because he didn’t have it upstairs. Nardi was the quintessential 5 tool white guy, floor general, hustle player, perimeter defender, shooter, and total douche bag. Somewhere along the line Mike decided he was ghetto though, apparently he thought it was a good idea to start wearing weird flat brims and have big fake diamond studs (What kind of jack-ass does that kind of stuff right??) Mike scores major points for rocking a baggy white t-shirt underneath his jersey, a classic white boy look. Also Mike was apparently valedictorian in high school, and we all know there is nothing more white than good grades.

9. Eric Devendorf- Devendorf is by far the least white person on this whole list, the only reason he even made is because he is probably the biggest piece of shit to ever step on a basketball court and I respect the hell out of that. For some reason Eric seemed to think he was a hard-ass, which is understandable because Eric is from Bay City, Michigan, commonly known as the Compton of the Midwest. On the court we will remember Devendorf for his love of screaming at the top of his lungs whenever he made a semi-decent play, much like Kevin Garnett, off the court we will remember him for beating the shit out of some poor Syracuse girl. Also Eric wins the award for “Guy who regrets passing up on his last year of eligibility” for the 2009 season. I mean whenever you can go undrafted, play one game in the d-league AND miss out on being on a top 5 college team that has a chance to make the final four you have to do it, chances like that only come around so often. (On second thought he was probably scared of High School CYO great John Redmond stealing all his PT)

Ron Mexico

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Top 10 Floor Slappers of the Last 10 Years: Part 1

  1. andrewweiser

    Excellent idea to pay tribute to these pioneers of floor slapping, bastions of college hoops lore, and stalwarts of faggotism. As a 5’9″ 125 lb swingman who horned his skills on the CYO courts of the wealthy southeastern Pennsylvania suburbs, I admired these players for allowing me-and the millions like me-to keep the dream alive. Can’t wait to see the top 8.

  2. fredex57

    Everyone hates them, but given the chance, every white dude would be a floor slapper.

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