Top 5 Floorslappers

After many hours of strenuous work, the final 5 floorslappers of all time have been decided. These last 5 has one of each position, so naturally a few great white point guards were left off the list, apologies to Gerry McNamara (and my personal favorite T.J. Sorrentine) in particular. So here they are your “starting 5” all time floor slappers.

PG Greg Paulus- Without a doubt the dorkiest person I have ever seen play college basketball. Started at point guard for his first three years for the whitest team, with the whitest coach, and for a school with very high admission standards. The thing that seperates him from a guy like McNamara is that he continued to get more dorky and worse at basketball until the day he graduated from Duke.

SG J.J. Redick (MVP)- Another Duke standout, so he has the white team/white coach/ good school thing going for him. J.J. was also one of the best shooters I have ever seen play, but who gives a shit about that. Redick is also the biggest asshole I have ever seen play college basketball. He seems like a total douchebag, and I fucking love that about him. Redick seems like the kind of guy who would hit on your girlfriend right in front of you, without any shame. Bonus points for not living up to any of the hype in the NBA.

SF Adam Morrison- There is one simple reason why I love Adam Morrison, the mustache. Most people like to classify this as an “80’s pornstars” stache, that is total bullshit. No pornstar has that little self respect, the only people who have facial hair that even comes close to resembling that are kids in 6th grade who are afraid to shave.

PF Tyler Hansborough- Actually a really good player, and someone who I guarntee will turn out to be a pretty decent pro. Played harder and uglier than anybody else in the past 10 years. Spent 4 years at UNC giving Dick Vitale too many boners to count. I can not really find anything to mock about Tyler besides the ridiculous AT&T commercial that he is in where he returns the puppy to that little girls house, so fucking gay.

C Brian Zoubek- Over the top energy for his entire senior year, extremely awkward, and a killer lumberjack beard get Zoubek in this spot. Im going to make a prediction here, and I can guarntee that it will be correct, I have never been so sure about something in my life. In 7 years, we will be talking about how absurdly overpaid Brian Zoubek is.



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3 responses to “Top 5 Floorslappers

  1. J. Kyle

    guys, like the list (mainly because its just a list of goofy white players) but i have an argument with the list. while paulus was a great floorslapper, the main guy known for it was steve wojciechowski. he was greg paulus before paulus ever played a game. here’s a youtube of the legend that is wojo.

  2. whiskas610

    2 things:

    1. I think Paulus’ failed football career should be noted here (he finished with the lowest passer rating in the FBS this year on a team that anyone gives any kind of a crap about)

    2. Tyler Hansbrough can easily be mocked for the whiteness and ridiculousness of his trademark “run down the court simultaneously kicking and bitch-slapping an invisible opponent” celebration. I thought he might be having a seizure standing up when I saw this until he stopped and looked OK.

  3. Since when did Redick have NBA hype? He was never projected to be a Ray Allen of Kobe Bryant. He was a one-dimensional player who really relied on his three point shot. Great college player, but Morrison has been a bigger dissapointment in the pros. Also, where’s the love for Kevin Love?

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