We’re in the last week before the kickoff of another great year of college football, and I know exactly what you’re thinking, how’s Auburn going to do?
Surprise, surprise, I’m thinking exactly the same thing. Auburn has been called by ESPN analysts the preseason most underrated team in the country. Two analysts even mentioned Auburn in the SEC Championship against Florida, and possibly eventually playing for a national title. I’m fairly certain Kirk Herbstreit would be gay with the entire Auburn Football Team if he had the option.
In my completely 100% biased opinion, I’d have to say if Auburn doesn’t win the national title, this would be my reaction, “Honestly Diane, I’m surprised.” Nah, just kidding, but here is my prediction for the year.
9-4-10 vs. Arkansas State.
Although I do expect Cam Newton to run into some first game jitters against a team that played a very good Iowa team really tough last year, I’m going to say Auburn gets the win this Saturday in Jordan-Hare.
9-9-10 at Mississippi State
This should be a much tougher game than last year. Not only are the tigers on the road in Starkville, but Dan Mullen and the Mississippi athletic department organized probably the gayest/dumbest promotion ever for this game: A Maroon out. I kid you not, that is what they’re calling it. The whole idea of ____-outs only works with whiteouts and blackouts, you can’t just insert any color in there. Moreover, (I don’t know if that’s used right but it sounds right and I have never had a decent opportunity to use that word before) I just hate whiteouts because of the debacle that was the Prep whiteout vs. the rival La Salle whiteout in the cheering sections of the 2008 PCL Championship. Anyways, Auburn wins this game.
9-18-10 vs. Clemson
At least we came up with a better name for our blue out, Mississippi State. This is True Blue day at Jordan-Hare. We got a classic Tigers vs. Tigers matchup here and both schools primary color is orange. I hate it when people ask me if I go to Clemson and I’m sure they hate it when people ask if they go to Auburn. Clemson QB Kyle Parker, although he prevailed in the regionals of the CWS in Auburn, will not come out on top again. This is the big non-conference test for Auburn, and like last year against WVU, expect Jordan-Hare to be rockin through any tropical storms that may come through and eventually see an Auburn victory.
9-25-10 vs. South Carolina
This game is going to be a big FUCK YOU to Marcus Lattimore who turned Auburn down for South Carolina last year on signing day. If I hear any Carolina fans call South Carolina USC, I will punch them right in the face. The real USC is Southern Cal, obviously. Auburn wins, big.
10-2-10 vs. Louisiana Monroe
If your last name is not Mulhern and you honestly can say you know Louisiana Monroe’s mascot, you win a million dollars. Not really, but I’ll shake your hand. Shouldn’t be much of a game, Auburn wins big time.
10-9-10 at Kentucky
This was easily the most depressing game last year at Jordan-Hare, and the worst sporting event ever to be at. Kentucky won on a late TD 21-14. The game sucked, and it was cold. Kentucky, will surprise people this year, but ultimately the loss of 4 starting offensive lineman is going to kill them against a deep front 7 of Auburn this year, who is apparently going to blitz more. Auburn wins in a tight game.
10-16-10 vs. Arkansas
Ryan Mallett is really really good. But, so is Cam Newton. I don’t think the Arkansas defense is good enough to keep the Auburn offense out of the end zone. This is going to be a really great game. At Arkansas, I’d take them. At Auburn, I’d take Auburn. If it’s anything like last year, this should be a fun game to watch. I’d say if College Game Day comes to Auburn this is one of the three games that it is most likely to.
10-23-10 vs. LSU
I can’t believe I’m not going to be at this game. Last year, Auburn got absolutely embarrassed at LSU. It was the ugliest game of the year by far. Another classic Tigers vs. Tigers matchup, this is another potential College Game Day game. I swear if I miss Game Day Dorothy will hear about it. I think what this game comes down to is the coolness of the “mascots,” but I’m not referring to the actual mascots I’m referring to Nova vs. Mike the Tiger. Okay, Nova is a gay name, and I have no idea why the War Eagle(the 7th War Eagle in Auburn history) is named it, but why the hell would you name a tiger Mike? Tigers aren’t your average animal with a name, so why would you name it something as plain as Mike? LSU’s offense is as plain as the name Mike in this game, and 87,451 Auburn fans help the real Tigers to victory.
10-30-10 at Ole Miss
The Rebels, could you think of a more confederate name, just found out that their starting quarterback is ineligible for the year. Serves them right; I don’t like how right after Oregon coach Chip Kelly dismissed Jeremiah Masoli, Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt jumped right on him and got him on the roster. I’m glad the NCAA won’t let him play this year, and I’m really glad they waited until right now to tell him. Auburn gets the Mississippi sweep.
11-6-10 vs. Chattanooga
Even alumnus Terrell Owens couldn’t save the Mocs in this homecoming game. Seriously, he’s past his prime and they really suck. Auburn wins big.
11-13-10 vs. Georgia
The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry. This video is why Georgia will never be good at any sport ever again. No school this gay will win anything remotely manly.
11-26-10 at Alabama
I hate Alabama. Last year’s Iron Bowl was one of the best games of the year, and unfortunately saw Alabama score a late touchdown to beat an Auburn team who had been winning since the 4th play from scrimmage. This isn’t just a game. And, quite frankly, it has nothing to do with who the better team is that year. Both sides have ruined the others national title hopes, both teams have blown big leads to lose this game(Google Punt Bama Punt), and both teams are going to be very good this year. Alabama has won the past 2 years, and leads the series 40-33. Before 2008, Auburn had won 6 straight Iron Bowls. Auburn returns to glory in Bryant Denny. I said it, Auburn beats Alabama in the Iron Bowl to go to the SEC Championship.
On top of my Auburn expertise that I will provide you with weekly, I will also preview the weeks big games. So, for week 1 here we go:
15 Pitt at Utah. I’m taking Pitt in this game because Dion Lewis is the best running back in the nation that barely anyone heard of last year despite being third in the nation in rushing.
Villanova vs. Temple at Lincoln Financial Field. Call me crazy, but, this is my game of the week. After Nova toppled Temple last year, Temple went on to win 9 in a row and make their first bowl game since I was born. Temple has a pretty good running back in Bernard Pierce(He’s not half as good as Temple thinks but he’s good), but, Nova is led by former Prep QB Chris Whitney. Villanova won the midget national championship last year, that is the College Football Championship Series (FCS). I’m going with Temple in this one. There’s really no reason why, but at least they play in the big boy division of college football.
Youngstown State at 19 State. No need to include the Penn, everyone knows who State is. I’m taking the Penguins in this one. Not really, I just wanted to share that their mascot is the Penguins.
Purdue is going to win at ND, and UCONN is going to win at Michigan.
24 Oregon state at 6 TCU. It’s not actually at TCU, it’s being played at a neutral site. That neutral site is still in Texas, so it might as well be a home game for the Horned Frogs. This should be a good game, I’m taking J-Quizz and the Beavers, though, in Texas.
21 LSU vs. 18 UNC. This might be the first time ever UNC is ranked higher than LSU. I really have no idea. This is being played in Atlanta, which is a true neutral site game. Supposedly, UNC has a top-5 defense in the country. Unfortunately for the Heels, they’re missing some guys because they cheated. SEC over ACC. Mike the Tiger rejoices.